Monday, January 29, 2007

Oh!

I completely forgot I was blogging here.. I had actually started and restarted so many "extra" blogs.. and here is this one.. that I always had. I'll be back to update here... it's been a while.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Trust

So...how do you get over trust issues when someone broke your trust?

I'm so trusting... I'm so forgiving... am I crazy? Perhaps... ultimately, I hope that I am not making a mistake. It takes a lot to be able to forgive someone and trust them... I'll chalk it up to maturity. I like to use that... a lot.

I just don't want to be hurt. I rather take honesty any day and just deal with it instead of game playing.

I am so trusting... I hope you understand what this means...

Sunday, June 04, 2006

There is so much in my life that I have wanted to accomplish. I want to be a photographer... I want to go to school to learn all of this. Basically, what I do is what I fool around with.. including getting photoshop advice from people. I want to have a diploma. My final decision for nursing was this year. Photography is not secure. On top of it, the course was 10,000, for 10 months. I debated, and debated... and just let it go. I hope that I have an opportunity to take this sometime... as it's a huge passion of mine and I would love to have a business.

This photo is from my first photo shoot, followed by two afters:


Saturday, June 03, 2006

Me, on love.

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

Friday, June 02, 2006

Seether - Remedy

Throw your dollar bills and leave your thrills all here with me
And speak but don't pretend I won't defend you anymore you see
It aches in every bone, I'll die alone, but not for you
My eyes don't need to see that ugly thing, I know it's me you fear
If you want me hold me back

frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "you be the death of me"

I don't need a friend, I need to mend so far away
So come sit by the fire and play a while, but you can't stay too long
It aches in every bone, I'll die alone, but not for pleasure
I see my heart explode, it's been eroded by the weather here
If you want me hold me back

Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"

Hold your eyes closed, take me in
Hold your eyes closed, take me in

Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"

0 Stress

I was doing my CPR course today through Red Cross. I already have this through St. John's Ambulance... so it's pretty boring. However for the first time in over a week, I haven't felt ill. I feel stress free, I feel relieved and free! I feel like I am me again. I hate being disillusioned. I hate having very little control.

It's Friday night. So we all know what that means. I have a couple options, and I am opting to try something new and see what happens. Just for fun.

Of course before I do anything I am doing my 5miles. Weird thing is, I don't know how many kms are in 5 miles. I was sure 1 km = .87 miles or something like that. I really want to find out because it makes it more relevant to me to think in terms of kms. Not that I hate "non metrics" HAH! so silly...

Usually I do my eliptical training and situps at night, shortly before bed and my final shower. I think today... because I don't want to skip, I'll do the situps first and then the 5 miles. Well I suppose I may skip the eliptical tonight.

20 pounds. Such a noticeable difference. My clothes are ridiculously baggy. Can't wait to go shopping for some new clothes (and new purses of course.) It will have to wait at least one more month. I divided up my school in 3 payments and I only have one left. I hate debt so I like it out as soon as possible.

Fools Seldom Differ/Not Love

The Beast:
I rather be slapped and taken advantage of over being cut ultra deep, like I was last night. I am getting fucked out of my mind tonight. I can't believe how foolishly crazy I can be at the times. I'm just going to have to forget. This isn't taken me down... just makes me more cautious and more jaded.

The Beauty:
"I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul."
-Duran Duran

This is what's important to me in my life, not foolish games. These are the two things that I want the most in my life right now. I am at the right place, I know that now. You'll hear a lot about these two things from now on.

I have discovered an awesome butt exercise. I am already pretty firm in that area... but it's for the total body.

I am going to continue with my new word weekly. Feeding my soul... with knowledge, patience and understanding. I had a new aphorism for myself today. But the aphorism from yesterday was good... actually perfect for today. I want to be the person facing adversity with a smile.

A cloudy day cannot dispel your sunny disposition.

I'll just tell myself these little words today if I find I am getting melancholy. I am not going to be melancholy.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Two Thoughts

I used to play this game where I learned a new english word once a week... I'm going to do that... it drives me crazy that my brother is a genius and I'm not. I'm competitive..

Thought #1: I LOVE freshly painted lines on the road.. omg, it makes me so excited!

Thought #2: My aphorism... I should say my new aphorism will be this...

A cloudy day cannot dispel your sunny disposition.

Now if I can follow this... I've got a bridge in Brooklyn...

cryptics

I feel different.
I feel elated.
I feel changed.
I feel butterflies.
I feel jealous.
I feel amazed.
I feel insecure.
I feel excited.
I feel sad.
I feel tempted.
I feel mistaken.
I feel good.
I feel confused.
I feel exhilerated.

...I feel taken.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Hmmmm

Just for the hell of it, I weighed myself to see if I have gained any of those pounds back yet... and no.. as a matter of fact in a matter of a day I have lost a couple of pounds. I think something is not right... yet I don't want to go to see anyone about it...

Foolish Games

I often stop and think about why I am the way I am. I'm not one who believes in "signs" too much... but often I think about how much I am really like a pisces.

I fell in love with the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. This is a huge mistake, you see. I am so hard to be loved... I am too emotional to be in love. Does that make sense? I'm trying so hard to get over this guy... but everything about him... his personality, his awesome listening skills, his goals... his laughter.. god his laughter... it makes me smile. Whoever does wind up with him is honestly the luckiest woman in the world.

I am so torn apart, I am so in love... I am completely lost. I am so dissapointed.

things

I lost 9 pounds this week. It sounds like some incredibly amazing feat and number...but it freaks me out. What freaks me out is knowing I will probably gain some back this week, as my body stabalizes.

I am trying to think of what I ate, what I didn't eat.. I have a feeling I didn't eat enough...but at the same time... I'm not starving... well except yesterday I didn't eat much.

As scary as 9 pounds is I feel like I need to push myself harder to not gain a pound back next week. I would be happy to not lose or gain by next week...holy shit... "9" pounds in one week... 12 pounds in 2 weeks... This is crazy... I am going back to keeping track of what I eat...

My routine has become static.... I want to do a full 5 miles everyday... I want to go to 30 minutes on my eliptical trainer... I want to do an even 100 situps.

I am seriously obsessed.


James Blunt - You're Beautiful
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